I often hear, “What is wrong with me?” And truly, in this life, I have asked myself the same. It’s easy to have that thought. Celebrity culture, the well crafted and imaginary world of social media, and romantic comedies let us know not so subtly that we are living a lesser life. Every advertisement not so subtly lets us know we are not enough, try harder, buy something already. Even the self development world- it exists and thrives on the collective belief that we are not enough and the promise land of happy life is just at the end of one more book or workshop. And I haven’t even mentioned beliefs we’ve inherited from our families.
In my twenties I took myself to a Buddhist temple in Asia and lived there for a handful of years. I was seeking the ideal community and path in life. I found a life rich with study, friends, elders, team work and spiritual practice. For a little while it was blissful. I thought I had found a superior path. As time went on though, I discovered affairs, stealing, abuse of power, misogyny, and my own blind spot- a desire for perfection. I was disillusioned. I thought I had escaped and moved to utopia. I had to learn that there is no escape, no perfect community, and certainly no perfect path. It hurt, but it was honest and real.
I returned to the U.S. and entered graduate school for integral counseling psychology. I dove deep into the causes of suffering and what heals a person’s spirit. Healing it turns out, is not some magical moment where one’s life suddenly becomes easy. It’s actually more about having a persona and spirit that has grit, flexibility, wisdom, heart, a sense a humor, and an acceptance of imperfection. It’s about becoming someone who bravely shows up, moment by moment, for an uncertain life. It’s counter-intuitive, but we accomplish this great feat through release of the need to do more and a surrender to the art of being enough.
To heal, we need to know ourselves. As relational beings, hard-wired for community and connection, being witnessed is also essential to healing. A good life requires detangling ourselves from the lies we’ve been told, tending and healing the wounds that have been inflicted, and knowing, deep in our bones, the voice of our own heart. Being ourselves is the goal. Perfection is a myth. The truth is, we are each on a journey of healing and learning AND we’ve never not been enough.